I wrote this several weeks after Grace was born. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it at first, but after coming back to it several months later I've decided its worth sharing, even if it only serves as a reminder to me in the years to come. Enjoy!I've been thinking I should blog about Grace's arrival, now that she's in my arms. But I'm just not sure what to say...and I'm a little worried that what I really want to say might scare those who haven't had a baby before. Then on the other hand, I wish someone had laid it out for me before I got pregnant...or rather I wish I had really listened to those who did tell me! Then maybe I wouldn't have been so surprised...
I now understand why it is called labor. It was the most exhausting thing I have ever done. And honestly I wasn't all that amazed by the miracle of child birth, at least not at first. So here's our story: We were set to be induced the evening before my due date because of my chronic high blood pressure. But the afternoon of our induction day I started bleeding, so we went in early. We spent the afternoon walking, trying to go into active labor. At 5 that night (our original induction time) they got me started on medicine and said "We'll let you sleep tonight and really get you started in the morning." Luckily, those first meds sent me into labor. By the middle of the night I was in some serious pain and opted for some fantastic narcotics since I was at 4 cm. As an added bonus, they helped me sleep and dream of circus animals in a parade. At 6 cm. I got a fantastic epidural and I felt nothing for the rest of the night! At 9 am we started pushing...and pushing... and pushing. Turns out she was face up, so the doc used the vacum to flip her over. She got stuck again towards the end, so out came the vacum again. The doc pulled while I pushed and at 12:24 our little girl was born! I was exhausted. I kissed my baby (she had to be taken to the nursery because she had inhaled meconium (baby poo) when she was born) and then I proceeded to sleep the next 2 hours. Not a bad labor all in all. I pushed for a long time (at 3 hours they usually opt for a c-section) but overall I have very little to complain about.
Fast forward 7 hours: we were in our room with Grace, whom the doctor wanted to keep for observation because several of her levels were "off." The baby blues hit me hard that night (and kept hitting for the next week.) I laid in bed that night and wept while I thought "What in the world have we done? We've changed the entire course of our life. Are we ready for this?" I honestly asked God to put her back, to make me pregnant with her again because pregnancy was familiar and parenthood was not.
I ended up going through a period of mourning for my pregnancy. I LOVED being pregnant. I had an easy pregnancy and I loved feeling her wiggle inside me. Then I went through this horribley painful experience known as labor in order to stop being something I loved. It was cruel! Needless to say those first weeks were tough. Many tears were shed. And I wasn't too sure about what I had gotten myself into. There was even a panic attack or two in there. But you know what? When they say that it gets better around 6 weeks, THEY WEREN'T LYING! I LOVE my daughter. I love having her around and listening to her little squeaks. I love getting to know her funny little faces. I'm even getting used to being sleep deprived. Motherhood really is a BEAUTIFUL problem to have. =0)
